Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Who is controlling my hand?
My hand is attached to my wrist which is attached to my arm which is attached to my shoulder which is attached to my body which is ultimately attached to my brain. But I have a very serious condition where I lose all control of these functions when there is any food containing sugar in a 10 meter radius...But seriously this needs to be dealt with. I can go throughout the week eating very healthy, excercising regularly and then the weekend hits...
DAY
phase 1) Hand starts to go numb and grabs for every unhealthy food in the house
phase 2) feel sick and full and horrible about self
phase 3) eat more food because in the moment food is the only thing that makes me feel happy and forget how terrible i feel
phase 4) feel sicker - sometimes repeat phase 2 &3 but depending on sickness level can be too sick to continue
phase 5) feel horrible and so full that even if I wanted to couldn't fit anything else it
phase 6) sulk all night and vow to eat so healthy/ barely anything to make up for awful day
Next day
phase 1) okay new day lets be healthy...wait as long as possible before eating...
phase 2) justify eating some lunch
phase 3) make a small snack in the afternoon.. boredom gets the best of me... eat some more..
phase 4) feel awful about failing what you were supposed to do today - you'll always be a failure- you suck
phase 5) Start at phase 1 from DAY
Now.. sometimes I'll get a solid 4 or 5 days of healthy in, but it seems i just cannot stick to them...I don't know what wrong with me.
DAY
phase 1) Hand starts to go numb and grabs for every unhealthy food in the house
phase 2) feel sick and full and horrible about self
phase 3) eat more food because in the moment food is the only thing that makes me feel happy and forget how terrible i feel
phase 4) feel sicker - sometimes repeat phase 2 &3 but depending on sickness level can be too sick to continue
phase 5) feel horrible and so full that even if I wanted to couldn't fit anything else it
phase 6) sulk all night and vow to eat so healthy/ barely anything to make up for awful day
Next day
phase 1) okay new day lets be healthy...wait as long as possible before eating...
phase 2) justify eating some lunch
phase 3) make a small snack in the afternoon.. boredom gets the best of me... eat some more..
phase 4) feel awful about failing what you were supposed to do today - you'll always be a failure- you suck
phase 5) Start at phase 1 from DAY
Now.. sometimes I'll get a solid 4 or 5 days of healthy in, but it seems i just cannot stick to them...I don't know what wrong with me.
Breaking Down Happy
What does it mean to be happy? Are you born happy or is it something you have to figure out in life? Do some people have the capacity to be more happy than other people or is happiness something that can't be measured? Recently I found myself wondering what makes me happy. Here is my list:
1) My dog
2) Spending time with my family
3) spending time with my boyfriend
4) Spending time with my friends
5) Eating food
6) Running
I say these things make me happy...and they do, but sometimes they don't. Something it's just spending time to get rid of it because I'd drive myself crazy doing nothing. Sometimes when I look back I think I may have been happier when I was younger, more carefree... but I don't really know. Sometimes a person who is really busy doing things they don't enjoy all that much can trick themselves into thinking certain things make them happy. If you work all day what you really want to be doing is hanging out at home in your pj's watching tv and going on the internet... that would make them happy. If you were unemployed and always hanging out at home in your pjs watching tv and going on the internet it wouldn't make you happy... it would make you bored. So how often are you in a moment and you think to yourself "I am so genuinely happy right now my life could not get any better"? The last time I thought that was when I was half drunk at a bar and "Only Girl" by Rihanna came on and was playing so incredibly loud I could feel the base through my entire body, I was surrounded by my friends and we just danced.. completely carefree. That was two years ago and you cannot live your life being half drunk listening to Rihanna, it doesn't look good on anybody.
1) My dog
2) Spending time with my family
3) spending time with my boyfriend
4) Spending time with my friends
5) Eating food
6) Running
I say these things make me happy...and they do, but sometimes they don't. Something it's just spending time to get rid of it because I'd drive myself crazy doing nothing. Sometimes when I look back I think I may have been happier when I was younger, more carefree... but I don't really know. Sometimes a person who is really busy doing things they don't enjoy all that much can trick themselves into thinking certain things make them happy. If you work all day what you really want to be doing is hanging out at home in your pj's watching tv and going on the internet... that would make them happy. If you were unemployed and always hanging out at home in your pjs watching tv and going on the internet it wouldn't make you happy... it would make you bored. So how often are you in a moment and you think to yourself "I am so genuinely happy right now my life could not get any better"? The last time I thought that was when I was half drunk at a bar and "Only Girl" by Rihanna came on and was playing so incredibly loud I could feel the base through my entire body, I was surrounded by my friends and we just danced.. completely carefree. That was two years ago and you cannot live your life being half drunk listening to Rihanna, it doesn't look good on anybody.
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